5 Ways to Increase Kid’s Self Esteem

The consequences of low self esteem are brutal, disturbing and disgusting. I can’t say it any softer than that. There are alarming trends these days that need to be address right now.  We cannot wait another single day.

The statistics tell us all we need to know:

  • 90% of 4th through 8th graders report being victims of bullying.
  • 87% of students said shootings are motivated by a desire to “get back at those who have hurt them.”
  • 75% of girls with low self-esteem reported engaging in negative activities like cutting, bullying, smoking, drinking, or disordered eating.
  • Suicide is the third leading cause of death in younger adolescents in the US (10–14 year olds).

Yea, I know, unbelievable but I prefer to describe these statistics as UNACCEPTABLE! There are many, many reasons why this is happening but that is not the question we should be asking. Instead, we should be asking “How can we make a difference in these kid’s lives?” I believe one of the things we can do to have the biggest impact with our kids is to teach them how to develop high self esteem.

There is one really good example that I learned from Jack Canfield to teach self esteem and I use it all the time. While don’t recall the exact wording, it was something like this. If someone walked up to you and said, “you have blue hair” when in fact it is brown, you would laugh it off and ignore them or think they were crazy. However, if on the other hand, someone comes up to you and said, “you are insensitive, mean, ugly and disgusting.” you might feel a little annoyed or even angry. So what is the difference? Here’s the key: It’s not what the person said to that made you angry, it is what you are telling yourself when they stop talking. This is a very powerful lesson and it is for that reason I use it so often.

Here are 5 ways to increase kid’s self esteem (and our own too!):

  1. Eliminate Perfection – This lofty goal only sets us up for failure. There is no need to be perfect and you know, it’s perfect that we are not perfect! We need to teach kids (and ourselves) to do the best that we can given the skills we have in the moment. Sure, I would have done a lot of things differently as a kid if I only knew then what I know now. That is one of the primary reasons why I teach kids these lessons so it will have a major impact on their lives moving forward. One clarification, I did say do the best we can but that does not mean not putting forth the appropriate effort.
  2. Track Negative Thinking – One of the main issues of low self esteem is a very strong negative outlook on ourselves and life in general. A simple technique I used for quite some time was tracking my negative thinking. I even designed a kids version in my latest book STINKIN’ THINKIN’ STINKS as well as added the exercise Take Out Your STINKIN’ Trash on this website to help others. When you become aware of negative thinking, you can do something about it. The problem is that most of our negative thinking is unconscious and is actually what we are using to make decisions daily.
  3. Set Simple Goals – I know, I know, setting goals, how boring is that? Well let me tell you, it is one of the best ways to build self esteem. The goals I am talking about are not huge goals, but more of stepping stone goals. Start off small, build some success and start feeling better about our accomplishments. This builds momentum and encourages us to set another goal. With each achievement comes with it more momentum.
  4. Practice Kindness – One of the easiest ways to increase your self esteem is to practice kindness. Helping and being of assistance to others helps us feel good about ourselves and that is precisely what self esteem is for. Did you know that this current website was built around kindness? I actually designed the full site around a kindness meter on the homepage. Check it out when you have a chance.
  5. Do the Right Thing – There is a book I read that was simply amazing. It is called The Four Agreements and it really puts things into perspective for me. It was so simple. After reading it, I decided to use these four agreements in my life but I also added a fifth one, Do the Right Thing. By this I mean that we know what the right thing to do is most of the time. A lot of times it means doing the much harder thing but when you practice doing what you feel is right, you will certainly build a higher self esteem.

When you incorporate these 5 ways of building self esteem in your life and the kids you know, everyone will feel better about themselves. Sometimes it is the simple things that make the biggest difference in our lives. Start with one of the five ways and see if it makes a difference in your life. If it does, then practice more of it and teach it to children. They deserve it because they are all special and lovable.

“It is never too late to be what you might have been.” –George Eliot
With gratitude and peace,
Bill

Hope – Yea, I Got That!

I was reading a quote by Martin Luther King Jr the other and it reminded me that so many of us give up hope way too often. I have been reading more information about bullying and it too seems that so many of them give up hope.  I believe the message is to always keep hope alive for there is always a reason, no matter how bad the circumstances are, that hope can carry us through our dark times.  I realize that we are certain to experience disappointment from time-to-time, but that doesn’t mean that we have to give up hope.

Martin Luther King, Jr. said it best, “We must accept finite disappointment, but never lose infinite hope.”  Nuff said!
With peace and gratitude (and a lot of hope),
Bill

Infinite hope MLK

 

 

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How to Make a Difference Today

I often ask myself, “How can I make a positive impact on others today?” This is an empowering question that often leads to great ideas. To make a difference in the world, it will always involve helping others. There are several ways to help others but there is one way that is often overlooked. That way is to continue to grow ourselves because we can’t help someone if we are not in the right mental place to do so.

Kindness, whether it is with others or yourself, will always make a difference in the world. When practiced daily, kindness will have a major positive impact on the world. It doesn’t always have to be practiced for others because when we offer ourselves kindness, we are teaching others to be kind to themselves too. Let’s teach something powerful today.  Take the Every Day Kindness Challenge and start making a powerful impact today.

While kindness doesn’t solve all of our problems, it does help us stay positive and more optimistic. Just think of the consequences if we all practiced kindness daily? I bet there would be a big impact on negative thinking, depression, bullying, anger and so much more.

Teach kindness. Help others learn kindness. Learn kindness. These are the keys to a positive outlook on life.

With peace and gratitude,
Bill

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Kindness For those Who DON’T Deserve It

I asked myself this question today, “Why does kindness matter?” It is a valid question to ask since I built the idontstink.com site around the kindness meter and regularly issue Kindness Challenges. But what does kindness mean to me and why should any of us care.  Well, let me just tackle those questions today.

To me, kindness isn’t something that you do as a task for your “to do” lists. It is more about being gentle, thoughtful and caring to others who could use it. Actually, it is the people we believe that DO NOT deserve our kindness are the very ones that need it the most. Kindness is showing empathy, tolerance and restraint to these people. Remember, we are all fighting our own battles and who is it for me to say that my battle is bigger or worse than yours?

I still can’t get out of my head reading all the stories about bullying, the negative statistics associated with them and the consequences bullying has on our society. We must take a personal stance for finding a solution. I believe searching for a solution has much more power than “fighting against” bullying. For me, I believe that kindness is one of the most powerful tools we can use create a better place. Kindness always delivers and is never, ever wasted.

Join me today and take the Kindness Challenge. Together, you and I can and WILL make a positive difference in the world.
With peace, gratitude, and kindness,
Bill

Bullying Kids

Bullying kids can cause stress for other kids around them. They can turn a school playground into a scary event, recess time or surfing online into a negative experience for their victims. Parents should not consider this experience as a normal part of growing up because bullying affects not only the victims but also the bullying kids and even the bystanders or witnesses to bullying.

Bullying has been linked to serious health and behavioral issues including personal negative behavior and negative thoughts and feelings. It is important that parents learn to teach their kids the proper way to deal with bullying kids just like they teach their kids the other social skills as they grow up.

Parents can help kids learn how to deal with bullying if it happens. The first step would be to develop the kid’s awareness that bullying can be real, in order to understand why it happens and how to properly deal with bullying kids. The following are some of the lessons to discuss with your kids:

  • Talk about bullying – What is it? Occasional teasing can be embarrassing but not bullying. Let some family members share their experiences and how they dealt with the situation.

  • Keep calm and ignore bullying kids – It may be tempting to retaliate but advise kids not to fight back because it will just lead to more violence. Don’t cry because the bullying kids will see it as a sign of success. Just walk away but be sure to report the incident to a person of authority or any trusted adult.

  • Have a buddy – it’s not an act of cowardice but it’s best to have a buddy in the playground, locker room, hallway and other areas where bullying are known to happen

  • Report bullying teachers – Some teachers can be bullies. Teach your kids that it’s not acceptable and that you will help in reporting it to the school authorities.

Awareness and the proper reaction are two of the important countermeasures against bullying kids.

Bullying Websites for Kids

If you suspect that your child is under stress due to changes in behavior at home and at school, you may need to search for and visit some bullying websites for kids to find the real cause of the changes in his or her behavior.

Bullying websites for kids feature a lot of information about bullying. Some websites use video clips to show ways to deal with bullies on various situations.

Bullying websites for kids feature kids-friendly articles and video clips to educate both mothers and children on the best way to deal with bullying such as the following:

  • What is bullying, as explained by professionals – bullying among girls, among boys, among teenagers and other groups.
  • Separate information that can be used by teachers and parents to educate kids about bullying.

There are certain factors that increase the risk of some individuals to being bullied or to bully others. Some of the risk factors include: having physical or intellectual disabilities or being perceived as weak, socially isolated, or socially different. A kid’s race could also put him or her at a higher risk for bullying.

  • Warning Signs

Many bullying websites for kids feature the various warning signs that a child could be a bullying victim, a bully or a witness to a bullying incident. The signs differ depending on various circumstances. It is important that parents and teachers recognize the signs and know how to dig deeper to determine the truth because surveys show that majority children don’t like to talk about being a bully or a bullying victim.

  • Effects of Bullying

Bullying websites for kids provide parents and teachers with reliable information. Awareness of bullying is one of the social skills that parents should equip their children with before allowing them to interact with other kids in the playground, in preschool and online.

Books on Positive Thinking

Books on positive thinking are a great way to help individuals view themselves, their actions, and their effect on the world around them. Books on positive thinking help to open up ones feelings and understand what creates positive feelings and negative feelings, as well as the things that make a person feel positive and the things that don’t.

 

Too often individuals, both children and adults, don’t realize that their negative thinking leads to negative actions, which lead to further negative thinking, until something causes the awareness in the individual of this cycle. It’s important for everyone to know that one can change their entire world by thinking positively, by paying attention to how your thoughts make you feel, and correcting them to look for positive things around you instead of negative things, and to have a positive attitude, such as aspirations and a positive outlook on life as it is now and will be in the future. Books on positive thinking help to demonstrate numerous different examples of where you can think more positively in certain areas, as well as examples of how things effect you, and how you effect things.

 

Books on positive thinking are a great gift for anyone, even those who already have a positive attitude toward life, as it can help to reaffirm their views, and give them new inspiration, and new wisdom to give to others who may be looking for answers. Books on positive thinking should be read by both adults and children, as it is great for children to understand what causes the things around them, as well as adults who have had troubled childhoods for lack of understanding these things, that has created trouble in their adulthood.

Self Esteem Books

Self esteem books are a great way to understand yourself and your personal level of confidence in yourself. It’s important to read self esteem books when you have difficulty being confident around others, or in certain situations that challenge your level of trust in yourself to act adequately. While self esteem books may be geared towards children or adults, it is often the value of the information that is what one should look for in selecting a good book. The information in any self esteem book still applies to both children and adults, as the general causes of self esteem problems are common across all age groups.

If you have self esteem problems, and would like to choose the right self esteem books for you, start by reading excerpts from popular books on the internet, or reading words from the author about how the book is intended to help. Authors often will publish short sections about what their purpose is, and the methods they advocate for the individual reader to relate to what is being discussed, and apply it to themselves.

Choosing a good author should be based upon any number of factors, including but not limited to recommendations and references of that author by friends family or colleagues, or in the form of testimonials by other people that have selected works from that particular author. Testimonials are often one of the best indicators of the simplicity of the information and the effectiveness of incorporating their message into your daily life, and your thoughts and actions. In addition, it is also important to note that as with any information to improve yourself, whether stated or not, it is necessary to apply the information by practicing it in thought, and action.

Books on Forgiveness

Books on forgiveness are a great way to learn how to be more open and willing to forgive the troubles others cause you, so that you are no longer troubles, and the matter is resolved in a peaceful and appropriate way. We often find it difficult to see how someone that has crossed us in some way should be forgiven, and hold ourselves responsible for condemning their trespasses, through our own thoughts. What we don’t realize when we do this, is that it is us who cause grief for ourselves by holding onto the feeling that the offender needs to be opposed in our thoughts, in order for their wrong actions to be properly given justice. Books on forgiveness show the simple truth that justice for wrong actions doesn’t come from those actions having an effect, it comes from those actions having no effect on us at all. Books on forgiveness teach us that holding onto opposing thoughts of a persons actions against us leads us to act on our thoughts, to give ourselves justice. It is important for any individual that commits a crime against someone to be held responsible if it causes a real effect that cannot simply be forgiven, however it is never good to hold someone responsible for something that has only hurt us personally and is easy for us to move on, and not let effect our lives in any real way. Letting go frees us from what was done, whereas holding on can lead to further trouble that is unnecessary, and even further negative action on our part as a result of holding those thoughts in mind. It is never good to create a negative effect in the world, especially as a result of a negative effect created on us. Only through knowing it is positive to not hold onto negative effects on our lives can we not be effected by negative things done to us by others.

Stories on Bullying

Stories on bullying are a great way to help both adults and children understand the results of their actions, or to understand the causes and contributors of the actions of others. Stories on bullying are often used to give to children who bully, to show them that their actions have unintended consequences. They also teach children that bullying is a result of imbalances in the bully’s life, that can often be remedied by seeking the appropriate care of others where it is needed, or creating outlets for growing and learning where they are missing in the bully’s life, causing frustration at their lack of ability to express themselves, and feel the enjoyment of doing something positive themselves, and experiencing the positive results of their actions. The majority of the time, when a child bullies another child, it is due to frustration from lack of ability to feel good about themselves, or alternatively from some effect in their life that makes them feel bad about themselves.

Helping a child that is bullied by giving them stories on bullying is a great way to help them to see the situation from multiple perspectives. Stories on bullying can show a child why bullies act the way they do, including why they are effective when bullying as a result of the reaction of the child being bullied. Their ability to successfully effect the other person is the reason they persist in bullying, as a result of the successful outcome of their actions in the form of a diminished self view of the victim, that reinforces the imagined justification of how the other child feels.

The best way to counteract bullying itself is to simply effect parents to understand the value of parenting, and the value of ensuring their children do not have imbalances, by seeing how those imbalances effect other areas in the childs life until they are corrected, as well as how those imbalances accumulate in society.